Nancy Grace

Why is Nacy Grace on television?

It's no secret that I like to look at the television. It's also no secret that I sometimes watch things with the sole purpose in mind that I want to be irritated.

That's why I watch Chris Matthews, The Cubs, Henry Fonda movies, The Food Channel, Fox News, Wolfe Blitzer, House, Larry King Live (they had to add the "Live" into the title of his show so that people would stop assuming that he was a cadaver with a bellows up his ass to make it look like he's breathing.), Steve Wilkos, Andy Rooney, Dan Jiggets, Pat Buchanan, Jackie Mason, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Friends, Judge Judy, the perky girl in the Progressive Insurance commercials, infomercials (except for the ones with the guy who dresses like Zorro and plays horrible guitar, I like him), Dirty Jobs, Tom Skilling, and Will Smith.

But, why is Nancy Grace on television?

She asks questions and never accepts the answers she gets. Her makeup is obviously applied with masonry trowels, she has a hybrid accent that makes her sound like she grew up in Southern Ohio (I hate Southern Ohio), and she is a redneck with a static hit list. She is an expert on such important subjects as Natalee Holloway (who was thrown in the ocean on the windward side of Aruba, which is infested with Tiger Sharks. Period. That's it, and that's all. I feel bad for her paerents, who I also hate, but she probably wasn't murdered. She died while fornicating in a drunken, drug addled stupor and was thrown into the violent shark infested waters.), John Travolta, O. J. Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith, and lots of other subjects that none of us care about and she delivers her worthless opinions with all the importance of someone who owns a potato that looks just like Richard Nixon.

Her bio is that she, while in college, changed her major to law after her boyfriend was a murder victim in Georgia, but I don't believe it. I think her boyfriend was afraid to break up with her and took his own life and made it look like a murder.

I find it hard to believe that she is still on TV. I guess the douche-bags that wear the suits at CNN Headline News are afraid of her too, and at this minute are trying to fake their own murders. If they're smart, that is.

People I Hate (Dead)

1. Alexander Hamilton. I don't want to get started on this guy, so I'll just leave it at that.

2. Henry Fonda. To say I'm not fond 'a Henry is an understatement. He spawned an evil generation of sucky acting celebs that I have been forced to look at for 40 years.

3. George Burns. If it wasn't for a stupid, vapid underachieving woman, this guy would never have gotten out of the Catskills.

4. Winston Churchill.

5. The guy who invented tartar sauce.

Something Wonderful

In a world full of destruction and chaos there is hope that comes to us in mysterious forms. Last night, or actually this morning, I was awakened by my sister (Pandy) and my cousin (Greg) who were in my cousin's living room (where I was trying to sleep after an 8 hour drive, about 6 beers, a chicken sandwich, and non-stop talking) watching a movie. I woke up long enough to absorb the object of their fascination and it turns out that what they were watching was Something Wonderful. It was a movie entitled "The Terror of Tiny Town," and it might be the greatest movie ever made.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNV7hKVu-Xg

I don't know how many awards this movie won in 1937 (I was just a lad), but it has something for everyone. A hero all dressed in white and riding a white horse, bad guys, babes, and a plot.

I will hate many things today, but this fine movie will not be one of them.

Cold Weather

I hate cold weather. Not 20, or even 10 degrees. 30 below zero isn't natural.

People That I Hate (Living)

I cannot stand the sight of Alan Alda. I also hate the Geico Gekko and would gladly squish him if I had even the slightest opportunity. In fact, I hate all people and cartoon characters that have accents of any kind except for Heckle, or Jeckle, whichever one had the accent. I like him. But that's not what this is about. I hate Mike Tyson. I hate the waitress at Steven's Restaurant that is always in such a damn hurry.

I can't make my mind up about Rod Blagojevich. At first I hated him, then he started poking everybody in the eye with his Senate appointment and his jovial press conferences and I started to like him. I hate Dick Durbin, though.

I hate it when I say "thank you" to someone and they reply, "No Problem." Which, to me, implies that it really was a problem and I was damn lucky to have them sell me a pack of gum, even though that's what they get paid to do. I want to throw my keys at them (I have a lot of keys) and yell, "It better not have been a goddam problem, you touch-hole. Now give me my keys back. And tuck in your shirt."

I hate all of the Baldwin brothers except Alec.

I hate professional athletes that say, "It's not about the money." Whenever they say that, you know that it's only about the money.

That's all I can think of right now because I'm too angry to think of more, but there are plenty. Believe me.

Movies I Hate

I hate Cape Fear with Robert "Bob" Dinero. I also hate Snakes On A Plane. There are a lot of movies that I like, but these are not among them. I also hate tartar sauce, but it is not a movie, it is a sauce.