People That I Hate (Living)

I cannot stand the sight of Alan Alda. I also hate the Geico Gekko and would gladly squish him if I had even the slightest opportunity. In fact, I hate all people and cartoon characters that have accents of any kind except for Heckle, or Jeckle, whichever one had the accent. I like him. But that's not what this is about. I hate Mike Tyson. I hate the waitress at Steven's Restaurant that is always in such a damn hurry.

I can't make my mind up about Rod Blagojevich. At first I hated him, then he started poking everybody in the eye with his Senate appointment and his jovial press conferences and I started to like him. I hate Dick Durbin, though.

I hate it when I say "thank you" to someone and they reply, "No Problem." Which, to me, implies that it really was a problem and I was damn lucky to have them sell me a pack of gum, even though that's what they get paid to do. I want to throw my keys at them (I have a lot of keys) and yell, "It better not have been a goddam problem, you touch-hole. Now give me my keys back. And tuck in your shirt."

I hate all of the Baldwin brothers except Alec.

I hate professional athletes that say, "It's not about the money." Whenever they say that, you know that it's only about the money.

That's all I can think of right now because I'm too angry to think of more, but there are plenty. Believe me.